[ 2020 – Rants to the World ]
I. cancer ripped the rug from under me again it was no magic carpet just a simple piece of life threaded together by my bare hands pain left some bloody stains cancer ripped the rug from under me again my feet are getting cold II. cancer, i hate you what are you doing in my life cancer, i hate you what are you doing with my life cancer, i hate you who came up with you who invented you what is this all about anyways cancer, i hate you cancer, i hate you and i will never cease to fire III. why do we have diseases in this world wrong question what’s the deal with cancer better question who can deal with cancer best question congratulations you’ve won the Best Question of the Year award oh how easy a life would be if all that counted was coming up with better questions IV. is it too much to ask to have a decent day where i can sit on my porch without being bothered by the wind what has summer become V. i find it appalling that some people invest their effort and a lot of money into a cure for aging as if mortality in itself was the issue when we cannot even prevent people from dying from diseases painfully and prematurely when we cannot even prevent people from suffering from diseases debilitated and marked for life VI. why can’t you say this sucks instead you are glad that it was found early and remind me how lucky i am that the doctors were able to fully remove it don’t cheer me up don’t distract me don’t point out the obvious stay with me where it hurts the most VII. don’t you know that recurrence is a cancer survivor’s worst nightmare don’t you know that cancer strikes before people look sick don’t you know that cancer therapy is a modern form of torture and only acceptable when traded against your own life so please stop telling me how good i look and that the second time will be easier stop explaining things to me you clearly have no clue VIII. i think i cannot be around normal people anymore we have nothing in common they believe that they earned their luck they believe that they steered their life to where it is right now they believe that matters are in their own hands what does that make me how does that make my life look like they fill the void with empty chatter about the good side of things and the meaning of disease talk about optimism and confidence in the universe shut up, you damn ignorants learn to see enjoy your own life before it’s too late IX. but can you can you even admit that the world is unfair can you even see how lucky you are can you lift the veil and look it in the eye the injustice the hurt can you give up your believes from childhood about having control over your life about being rewarded for working hard do you really want to maintain that all these people who suffer have not worked hard (enough) and somehow shifted their life’s controls into the wrong direction how dare you X. all humans are mortal some just die earlier than others some just suffer more than others some just don’t get their fair chance all humans are mortal what a bunch of crap it doesn’t mean anything at least nothing helpful it makes a lot of humans believe that we are all equal because we’re all mortal because we’re all human
California Journal 