Chemo is a dangerous place,
it makes my body feel miserable.
How could this body understand that 
all the suffering gives onto well-being?
How can it feel the connection between
this suffering and the absence of cancer symptoms?

It’s not like taking a pill and your headache goes away
but rather a strong correlation between
the chemo and you feeling the worst ever.

When my body feels truly
threatened by chemo and all its effects,
can I blame it for a strong reaction,
for telling me with all its force that 
we don’t go there anymore, to this 
dangerous place of the chemo?!

My body remembers
everything so clearly to protect us
from going through this again.
It’s doing what it is supposed to do
and makes everything worse.
My poor body doesn’t understand the world anymore.

Dear body, I get you. Let’s work together.
I can hold you. I want to thank you
for looking out for me. You are the best!
You are doing your job the best you can
in a world that turned upside down.

We need to learn new rules but can we?
Tell me how we can deal with that,
how we can make it work the best we can.
Is there a way to let go of this memory
and open up to a truly new experience?

I offer fragrances that keep you happy:
roasted coffee beans in a jar,
a burned wooden match,
the rose in the neighbors garden.
I feed you with the most delicious delicacies. 

We can do it, believe me.
Trust me, it’s worth it.
Oh, don’t make me cry, or yes, make me cry.

I don’t even know anymore what is good.
I am still learning, now that I’ve turned my life 
into one big experiment of trying to find out 
how to handle a life handed to me 
by some glitch in the matrix.

I bring you flowers each day,
tulips of the most whimsical look.
I offer you a massage in the evening,
and a walk through the morning sun.
Soak in the light and the lightness!

Oh, don’t make me cry, or yes, make me cry,
for crying is water in motion
to prevent us from drying out.

I show you the fountain in the courtyard.
We can look at it together,
and watch how water is taking shape,
jumping into the air and
flowing forever down the amphora.

I play you all the music you want,
the quiet and the loud,
the slow and the lively,
piano and guitar and trumpet.
Let’s dance together!

13 Nov This entry was published on November 13, 2023 at 10:44 am and is filed under A poem a day..., cancer, chemo, consciousness, ENGLISH ENTRIES, Sister of Sisyphos. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.